Today is good! I had the day to be home and accomplish a long list of to do's when Andy came home and asked me to lunch. What a treat but I had all this "time" to accomplish so much without the children home. Then within a second I knew that the first thing on my list is to do something for Andy that showed him I loved him, this was it! I could put all aside and be with him, spending time together! It was a joy and I loved every minute at lunch.
Great question today: Has your love in the past been based on your spouses attributes and behavior or on your commitment? Well, it is hard to admit but it was ALL based on his performance and behavior. I would dictate how nice I would be to him, if I made him a nice meal, if I did "his" laundry or if we would make love based on what he did for me. I was horrible. As I look back, I am shamed by my behavior and cycles of immaturity as an adult. I thought if I would be difficult he would change. If I stopped making life "good" for him that he would be motivated to do better. Obviously the direct opposite happened to us.
Well, 11 years later, I can say that YES, I love Andy based on my commitment to him and nothing will change that, Ever! It was hard for me to change my behaviors that were impacting us so negatively until I saw the real change. The real change happened in my heart because it stopped focusing on changing Andy but changing me. Then to my amazement, Andy began a journey that is a miracle but it had to start with me. I believe that because God allowed Andy to see and hear him instead of me once I finally moved out of his way.
I still have to choose to love! We are human and still make mistakes. Andy can still do some things that get under my skin and I choose to love him and look to God for the guidance. I know that I can make him crazy also and he too has chosen to love me though my "moments". There are plenty of situations that we have to make serious choices about in life. 3 years ago I stood at the door looking at a divorce or to choose love and I am thrilled beyond measure that I choose to LOVE! I pray that because I choose to love Andy, that my children will see the example of Mommy & Daddy , that they too will choose to love their spouses like I love their Dad!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Please explain this: stood at the door looking at a divorce or to choose love and I am thrilled beyond measure that I choose to LOVE! Did you all have papers in hand and you/him/were ready for it to be over. I am trying to understsand the brink of divorce 3 times. My husband has filed but not served but feels it is okay for hime to see other people. O r am I naive and this is true. i know this is not to be true and deep down now "it ain't over till God says its over"
Thanks for your honesty
No, we did not have papers. No we did not see lawyers. I said it many times: I am leaving, This is over, this marriage is not worth saving, my most favored response was I am done. No we did not see other people(date). We each had an affair behind one anothers back. That is why I looked into divorce 2 times, then the alcoholism was the other. All those were too much for me, so I thought.
I am so proud of you for staying in your marriage. I can't imagine how hard things are for you right now. What I do know if that God is with you today and forever. As Beth Moore said in one of her studies "God is in the business of raising the dead, will you give him your dead marriage?" I will pray for a strength for you to love him while he is unloveable.
As my mentor said to me during one time that I gave up on my marriage, "I will believe in your marriage while you can't" I will stand beside you and believe that God will do a miracle in this man's heart and your marriage.
Right now, all I can share with you is focus on your relationship with Christ and allow yourself to fall into the arms of God during this time...and be obedient to all he calls you too...I hope you find a womans group, church, or mentor to walk with you during this time.
Praying for you dear sister!
Nicole,
Thank you so much for your honesty. I can't tell you how much you minister to me each time I read your words. God is using you!!!
Post a Comment