I love that God will give us a dare that seems impossible to complete on that day!! I woke up yesterday with an anxious heart & mind. With Christmas behind us there is the clean up and get ready to go back to school and work. I think I hit a mild depression and just wanted everything to be perfect, but nothing was. I could find NO Best in anything. Andy was not my problem but the to do list was! Unfortunately, I had an attitude that stunk.
So I sat to make my list and of course the negative list came right out. I had a harder time with the positives. I took a time out, grabbed my bible and read John. I read some stories about the miracles Jesus did and took a short time to pray and ask God to work on my heart. Then Andy was so nice and just started to jump in and help me accomplish the never ending list! The positive came and of course out weighed the negatives. Now 3 years ago, the ways I could change Andy to fit what I wanted would have been about 20 pages but I have learned through much counseling that I am the one that needs the changing. I need to focus on all the good that he brings to our marriage and be grateful. Especially since we have come so far!!!!
Last night and today I thanked Andy for all he did. Just knowing that he was working along side me was a huge help! My love language is acts of service so that is probably why it meant so much because he said he did not do much~ Isn't that funny!
Sorry the post took a bit again, We took a little vacation to the snow and entertained over the holiday so we did not have time to put the dare on our plate too! We have learned when you pile your plate full you fail...and there is no worse feeling that being a failure~ So thank you for your patience with us!
Happy New Year!!!
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3 comments:
Nicole,
Thank you once again for revealing your "humanity"...it means so much to see you being vulnerable with us!!!!
Lynette
Thamk you for sharing with us. Iam glqad to see you are bck. Can you give some insight on how you were able to stop the craziness of divorce. I need some encouragement and insight
Familyfirst:
I wouldlove to give you some insight into what we choose to do together~
First had to make a decision to NEVER bring up the word divorce in our marriage. The only reason I saw fit for separation was physical abuse/mental abuse and that was not happening in our marriage.
Second we had to turn the focus onto ourselves! This was my biggest challenge. I was constantly making list of ways that Andy needed to change, how he hurt the children and me, just every area that he was a failure to me. All that this did was allow satan a grip of my marriage. I did not have a relationship with the Lord but called myself a christian because it was a "good" thing to do.
Third, I found a lady who would be a mentor/teacher for me. We would meet weekly and I was honest with her about all that happened in our marriage. I knew that was the only way I could get help. She walked me through a book called Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney. It is a book to do WITH a mentor! I would have breezed through it and not taken the challenges if I read it alone. I had to admit I was part of the problem in our marrige. That was hard for me to be honest, I was not the angry alcoholic. I was the mom that ran the ENTIRE househole...alone! Once I enbraced the fact that I was codependant & manipulative & controlling, things started to chenge little bits at a time.
I got involved with the womens group at church and began to serve. I did not take on too much but there is nothing like serving someone else to give you perspective in life. I became a listener for other wives and was able to see daily that God was moving us forward...not at my pace but at his. I learned that I needed to find the good in Andy. I needed to CHOOSE to love him again. I was not in love anymore but I knew from what I was learning that if I chose to love him the feelings would follow.. and they did! Not immediately though. I do not think that was about Andy but more about me. God was asking me to honor my vows, In good times and in bad. This was a bad almost horrible...but today it is good times!
It took 2.5 to 3 years in counseling together, I was apart of Celebrate Recovery, Al Anon for a little while & I have had 3 mentors in 3 years. Each was chosen by God to walk a different part of my "recovery" with me.
I hope that my short story is encouraging to you. We did live through some of the worst moments with alcoholism, 2 affairs, 8 surgeries, a heart attack last valantines and the worst, 2 selfish people being takers and not givers.
This is the work that I did, Andy of course did his own work during this time also.
You are welcome to contact me anytime!
Blessings~
Nicole
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