Well, we decided not to complete the dare as it was written. We both have quite a few things that we constantly work on, so we are continuing on those vs. adding more to our list.
Being rude is not a huge challenge for the 2 of us today but it sure was in the past! I know that I, Nicole, made plenty of rude remarks to Andy during our 8 year battle. I would put him down with everything from his lack of parenting, to drinking too much, smoking too much, his language, to his unwillingness to want to change! I was down right rude & disrespectful and never apologized. I have since learned to choose a time and place that is peaceful. I come to Andy sharing only my feelings about the situation and not asking him to change even though it kills me not too. Expectations lead to further resentments! That is one thing I learned in Celebrate Recovery that I seem to use daily with my marriage and our children.
I have to say that Andy has made leaps and bounds forward in this area in the past 3 years! He was very critical and rude to me about intimacy. He seemed to make plenty of rude comments of the "lack of intimacy" that we had. They were comments that dug real deep. I would resent him for each comment and it only drove me away. He never shared his heart and what he was truly wanting to communicate, which was that he loved me and wanted us to connect and be together. Today he is amazing. I never thought he would be so tender to me as he is today, there is hope no matter how bad it is!!!
We both did a good job at wounding one another pretty badly. I think that, at times, each of us thought we could never get out of that insanity. It sure is easier today but we both have to think about our words and when we share them.
Thanks for being patient with us one again. All I have to say is, Christmas!!!
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